In-World War

Business cards and Superbad

We're making up business cards for Studio Lo Mismo at last! Not really exciting to anyone but me and Mariel (casting director) but it somehow makes everything seem more real.

I saw Superbad last night and laughed my ass off -- they really captured the suburban teenage American male experience. At least, for us geeks and nerds. I'm focusing a lot on character in my writing, so I watched that closely. They did a great job of establishing character quickly and clearly.

How do I do that with Mary in my script? Give him an eyepatch and a limp perhaps?

Arrrrrguably yes....

But I don't want to just cheese it up. It's tough since Mary needs to be likable (so people root for him) but most ways to be likable have to do with connecting with other people. And that's what his challenge is in the film.

Maybe I need to add in a kitten for him to save....

More feedback

I've gotten more feedback on the first draft of the script (thanks Ben and Mariel). Most of the major feedback is fairly consistent, which is a great sign (i.e. everyone mostly agrees on which are the bad parts and good parts).

There's a lot of confusion about what's in-world and what's not -- plus I've clearly been far too subtle in many places, both about in-world details and backstory. I think this is all fairly easy to fix with minor tweaks.

Ben doesn't like the voice-over nor the ending. I'm willing to cut the back the voice-over in parts, but not entirely. I've made a 180 (well, more like a 150) on the voice-over already, since I've decided to use location sync sound on all the new scenes and use what we can from the previously shot audio (ug). I was originally going to do VO on the whole film (totally crazy but it would have saved me from dealing with sync sound).

While the 24/7 VO is gone, I still need some VO to get into Mary's head. That's key to the character and the theme of the whole thing. Plus, the audio is so crappy on some of the Europe and Mexico stuff that I really need VO to salvage those shoots.

But I agree that the VO can be trimmed in many places. Show, don't tell. Yup.

Ben's problem with the ending is more challenging. Okay, the ending needs slight work. But not as much as he wants (Mary gets the girl?!?).

In any case, I'm really happy with the decision to make Mo a woman. She's really going to rock.

The biggest challenge will be to reconcile the footage from Europe (shaky camera, no boomed sound, skeletal script, plus questionable direction). The voice-over will paper over some of this. We'll see. I am loathe to reshoot any of these scenes, but not totally against it if the rest of the film works and that does not.

Interestingly, both Ben and Paul Barnett (of Windline Films and Co-Director of Confessions of  a Burning Man) are trying to convince me to think bigger about the project.

I see this as my student film. With luck, it will get made on a shoestring using essentially volunteer talent and crew. I need to learn the craft of filmmaking and this is my test run.

They both, however, are arguing for me to go big. Ben (who has seen the script) says it is definitely strong enough to try to go Indiewood with it -- real actors, real financing, etc. Paul (who has not read it) says that SAG is cheap and once you have the some B-list stars (who will join if it's a good script for day rate minimums), you can raise money since that means distribution. Sounds so easy.

For me, I don't want to wait for the Indiewood lottery ticket. If I wait for the industry to support the film, it will never get made -- I'll be waiting around forever. More importantly, I really don't think I'm a strong enough director yet to even approach them.

With this film, I'll make it, enter a bunch of festivals, sell some DVDs to friends/family and then move on to the next project having proved I can direct.

But, just in case, I may send the script to some agents. Can't hurt to get on their radar right?

Feedback begins

I've gotten the first feedback on the script. Cathy (good friend and writing buddy) had a ton of questions and responses to the draft. She really did a deep read, which is what I needed.

Two of the biggest issues from what she brought up:

1) None of the women are strong, positive characters.
Ouch. I really didn't like to hear that. I definitely see a number of female characters as strong and positive, even if they are smaller parts (Randy most noteworthy, but also Maryam and the Tattoo Waitress in NYC). But I take this type of feedback very seriously and am considering making Mo a woman. I think the idea of a woman named Mohammad would be fantastic and the extra possible sexual tension with Mary could be fun and add a new charged  dimension to their relationship.

2) She didn't understand what was in-world and what was not.
Double ouch. The whole damn movie is supposed to be in-world. Definitely gotta clear this up or the audience won't know which end is up. This can easily be too clunky and obvious -- that's why I kept it so subtle to begin with. But if it's too subtle and unclear that he's in-world 100% of the time, then I need to clarify.

Options:

• Add in something to the VO at the beginning. That was part of the purpose of the first VO: to let the audience know he's awaking in-world. Clearly the VO doesn't do that well enough.
• Add in a scene. Idea: have the first scene with the VO be in the "real" world as he's getting onto the couch and logging in. I really don't want any scenes in the non-VR world if possible. Lots of issues with this one.
• Add in a line or two about this. Maybe in the scene at the orientation? Have someone say "today you woke in-world for the first time -- we're in-world now blah blah". It might work best this way.

We'll see. More feedback from others soon hopefully.

The future of video games

I just read a great article about the future of video games that I had to share. It's really focused on the development of high-fidelity virtual worlds over the next 25 years.

In-World War is set 50 years in the future -- so if these guys are right, I've got a decent margin of error on the timing, to make sure the necessary technology is in place.

Of course, the source is top notch: Cracked (the Mad Magazine wannabe).

Somehow, that makes it even more perfect.

We have a first draft

Another deadline met: the first draft of the screenplay is ready for review. It was done about twelve minutes before the Oct. 1 deadline. Success with time to spare....

I'm only giving this draft to my inner circle of fellow-writers and close compatriots for review (including the casting director, since she's eager to start working). I have a ton of changes and tweaks I want to make -- but at this point, I can tweak forever. Need to keep moving forward.

It's a bit long (126 pages), but it's better to have extra that I can cut, rather than need to pad it up. Anything I shoot and cut becomes 'special features' for the DVD.

For those of you aspiring screenwriters, here are the instructions I gave the people reviewing the screenplay:

Things to look out for:

• Does it make sense? Let me know what is confusing.
• Where is the story slow – where does it lose momentum?
• What seems unnecessary? The script is long (about 2 hours if you count 1 page per minute), so I'm looking for places to nip and tuck.
• Typos, misspellings, grammar issues that don't look like quirky dialogue

I'm looking for big-picture feedback (i.e. does the whole thing make sense and have appeal – would you recommend it to a friend? Etc.). But I'm also VERY interested in small detail work too.

I really need you to be 100% brutally honest with me on this. The only way for this film to be watchable is if we flush as much of the crap as possible now.

The only specific format request I have for the feedback itself is that you start by listing three things that you LIKED (or even loved) about the screenplay. That way, my fragile ego will be protected while you dissemble the rest of the house of cards. This will also help me see the strongest elements of the screenplay.

That gives you some insight into my process. Also, one thing to remember is that people are great at pointing out what doesn't work, but not so good at offering suggestions. When I get suggestions, I basically ignore the specifics and try to use them as guideposts to figure out what doesn't work.

In any event, I'm trying to prepare myself for their feedback. I am so damn thin-skinned and hate getting anything other than positive feedback. But at least I know myself and have spent the better part of the year preparing for this moment: when other people will start to pass judgment on my work. This is why Ben doesn't read any reviews. It's not easy on the ego, when I struggle with so much self-doubt as it is.

Also, a friend of my neighbor works at  Linden Lab (makers of Second Life) and he suggested I attend the upcoming Virtual World Conference in San Jose. A whole conference filled with VR geeks! What a great opportunity to do more research. I'm trying to get a press pass, since there's no way I can afford the $800-1000 conference pass. Fingers are crossed.