In-World War

Thank you, Dupree

We watched You, Me and Dupree last night. Very inspiring, on two counts:

1) Clearly, a perfect screenplay isn't necessary to shoot a feature film.

2) Always make sure the screenplay is rock solid.

Enough said.

The vulnerable center

As I've started the rewriting process, I'm being drawn more into the family-related concerns and conflicts of the story.

I guess it's not surprising, since I'm doing this writing over the Thanksgiving holiday, surrounded by family in one way or another. Family is so up in my face right now.

At the same time, it makes perfect sense. Family issues are at the core of our humanity and identity. We are forged in the crucible of childhood. After a million of years of therapy, you'd think I'd get beyond all that, but it always comes up again and again for me.

This is the tough and powerful stuff. I'm hugely inspired by the mission of choreographer Joe Goode, who says his work seeks to:

...pierce the veil of toughness that we all have in our lives and to uncover the vulnerable center, the confused, flailing human part of us that we conceal and avoid.

When my writing gets too clever or when things aren't flowing, I try to remember this.

I'm not trying to be a smarty pants writer with a creative plot -- I need to be open and vulnerable. Otherwise, it's just meaningless surface. That's why family figures so prominently in the story.

Call me an artsy emo wimp, but I'd rather be criticized for being too soft than too hard.

The biggest fear

I'm afraid it will suck.

That's what's kept me from doing the rewrites I need over the last few weeks, having gotten all the feedback from my inner circle.

I find reasons to avoid  rewriting: my job search, my consulting work, teaching-related stuff, intern management, updating my blogs, etc. etc. All very important and easy to justify. But somehow the writing falls between the cracks.

I made a realization this week that my biggest fear was my fear of making a bad movie. As long as I delay it, I'll never make a bad movie.  So I draw it out.  I put it off.  I find other very important things to do.

It's an emotional thing. Intellectually I know that I need to make it one way or another -- and that it probably will be pretty horrible as a first feature. We all have our bad movies that we need to get out of us. I'm not going to get to the good movies any faster by avoiding the bad ones.

But that's intellectual.

In my gut, I'm scared and scared of what other people think.

I need the Bullshit Police to come and beat this crap out of me.

This movie will get made.

And it's time to get back to writing.